“I had little knowledge of Parkinson’s when my mother was diagnosed and in many ways I am still largely unaware of what the long road ahead entails. My mother, who is the kindest, most thoughtful and tender soul I know, was diagnosed just before the Covid pandemic hit the states. While we knew she was undergoing testing at one of the most reputable hospitals in Texas, we spent years misreading the emotional and physical toll the disease was taking (my mother included). I have carried guilt knowing she was suffering from a disease so far from her control while I was making some of my own assumptions as to what was wrong. Since her diagnosis, I’ve worked on that guilt a great deal and have been able to give myself grace as I know my support and love was/is rooted in the right and most loving intentions. 

Although she would never want to burden my brother or I, she is a single woman in her 60’s and we feel it our responsibility and great honor to support and care for her. That said, caring for and wanting to help someone in denial makes that undertaking all the more daunting and unknown. We are in the early days of this fight. As of late, she is doing fairly well as it relates to physical symptoms but I worry her emotional distress is taking the biggest toll (which breaks my heart all the more). 

I would be lying if I said her denial doesn’t anger me but I’ve come to learn that anger is a secondary emotion - rooted in something far deeper. If I am to be fully vulnerable with myself and those reading this, I must acknowledge that sadness and grief are at the core. Who am I to tell my mother how to process or tackle such an unfair diagnosis/disease but I can’t help to wish she had the strength and will power to start some of her doctors suggestions now (be it speech therapy, physical therapy, support groups, etc). Unfortunately, I know that acceptance and the will to fight has to come from her, on her own terms and on her own timeline. If only loving her enough would be the cure all. While I know it isn’t, that doesn’t mean I won’t fight like hell to make sure she knows just how beautiful and loved she is each and every day - even on the hardest and most trying of days. 

I am grateful to those like Taylor working and wanting to be a resource for others who either have been through or are going through it. I can only imagine I will lean heavily on others shared testimonies as I’m sure there will be a million questions and unknowns to come on this long road ahead. I understand I have so much to learn but I’m ready and I’m listening. 

In the meantime, I will lean on my faith and stay in fervent prayer asking that my mom be at peace with this diagnosis and that she suffer little while knowing and believing she is strong enough and has an army in her corner. I pray too for your loved ones. 

My love for my mother never wavers and I hope I can be instrumental in helping work towards a cure. I thank everyone in advance for their vulnerability and willingness to share their experiences as well.